ANGER & GRIEF

DISCLAIMER

If you’re struggling with depression, thoughts of suicide, or isolation – always seek out a professional. Do not use the materials on this website to replace or delay treatment from a trained medical professional. This website is intended to be used in addition to therapy or other treatments.

The ideas & exercises here are meant to be discussed with your therapist. They may have different or better recommendations regarding your treatment. Please always follow their advice over any material you find on this page.

You’re worth more than you realize – please don’t go at this alone! 

ARE WE FORGETTING THE VALUE OF ANGER?

Modern American society tends to look negatively upon the emotion of anger in comparison to feelings of joy, hope, & contentment. I think we are so used to playing the role of “the strong one” that we overlook some of the darker emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, regret, or grief. However, ignoring the problem does not instantly make the situation go away if the underlying causes are not being addressed. We tend to forget the value of our anger or grief, and in doing so I think we miss the healthy ways we can express this volatile emotion.

HOW WE CAN DAMAGE OURSELVES WITH ANGER OR GRIEF

When emotions get suppressed, the worst kind of emotional cancer can fester inside the human mind. We often feel trapped in our circumstances and that experience of helplessness can manifest even darker thoughts within our psyche.

We lash out. We hurt not only the ones around us but also ourselves. When we delay the process of letting out our anger or grief, we can be hinder our own growth.

I think the weird part is that we’re taught to push these emotions aside and smile. We are expected to be positive to the point of denying our own basic needs. Anger and grief aren’t unnatural states of being. Allowing the sensation of our anger to rise to the surface and venting it out can empower us through the toughest challenges. We can harness the rage we feel at our past towards creating a better reality for ourselves. We can use the grief caused by a broken trust to forge healthier relationships in the future.

Anger and grief aren’t to be shunned nor are they to be wielded as a weapon towards the unsuspecting. These emotions can beneficial tools used in hammering out a new path for ourselves.

HOW TO USE ANGER RESPONSIBLY & HEALTHFULLY

JUST LIKE ANY OTHER TOOL, USING OUR ANGER MUST BE DONE WITH A MEASURE OF CAUTION.

HOW TO ACKNOWLEDGE OUR ANGER WHEN IT HAPPENS:
  • Acknowledge the sensation. Anger is how our mind responds to situations which cause us to be uncomfortable. Not all anger is bad. Sometimes just sitting with the feeling of anger can go a long way.
  • Breath. The hardest part of using anger to your advantage is not having the emotion use you. Take some time to do some deep breathing, a technique known as “square-breathing” can be beneficial in this circumstance.
  • Communicate your anger. Yelling and screaming isn’t the only way to let people know you are angry. You can try saying, “I am feeling very upset right now because (insert reason here.) I need some time with my feelings to process this situation.”
  • Take a time out. Walk away from the situation if you can and sit with your emotion.
  • Try to identify if you’re misplacing the blame on someone or something else. Sometimes this is one of the hardest parts of recovery. The ability to admit to ourselves that we may have overreacted, been triggered by previous trauma, or we were in the wrong. Think about the situation when you’ve had a breath of air and a cool drink of water.

A SPELL FOR RELEASING YOUR ANGER

PAGAN ANGER – SPELLWORK

PAGAN ANGER A full moon spell By Shining Quill A wile beast lives inside of me!It causes my better judgement to flee,Like Zeus, I’m hurling bolts of lightening,Like Thor, I’m wicked scary & frightening!I’m Kali dancing in ethereal fire,When I’m like this, I’m nothing to admire!I could let this beast consume,Or I could have my…

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WHEN THE ANGER IS REAL

WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT YOUR ANGER

  • Meditate – Meditation can give us perspectives on our lives which we would not normally see if we were still reacting to every little inconvenience.
  • Exercise – Taking a brisk walk or going for a cool swim can really help when the anger gets out of control. As a person with bipolar disorder, I am sometimes faced with what seems like an insurmountable amount of negative energy. I’ve learned that taking my dog for a walk or going for a rigorous hike in the woods can help negate some of those intense episodes.
  • Journal – Writing those emotions out can provide transformative avenues for people suffering from anger. You could gain a better understanding of yourself in the process. Don’t worry if you’re not a very good writer – there’s no one grading you on grammar here! This is your private experience.
  • Rage cleaning – I have learned to use my anger to do housework when no one is around. I put the music on loud and just get to business! In the end, you’ll feel a lot better and your house will love you for it!

GOOD GRIEF

Mourning the living & the dead.

Sometimes the pain isn’t within our control. I recently faced the unexpected death of a very close personal friend over the summer. I reeled in pain for the loss of this individual. Suddenly and without warning, I was suddenly crying. IS this natural? Aren’t there five stages of grief or some kind of system?

The simple answer is no. Grief, be it for a person who has died or for a living person who is no longer in our lives is an organic process. There is no set time period to experience the pain felt by loss. There is no shame in crying for what once was and can never be again. Grief & loss change us, however, we don’t need to lose ourselves.

We can sit with our grief, ignore it, or try to work through it. Ultimately how we face this pain defines us as individuals.

Acceptance is the end of grief and the beginning of self growth.

“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

-Aristotle

YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS WORLD

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