Divination & Divorce

For those who may be new, please allow me to give some context to this blog. I started going to Deeply Rooted Church about 11 years ago. At the time I discovered the organization, I was hitting rock bottom. I was unhoused, facing substance abuse, and challenges surrounding my mental health. For about a year and a half, I lived on the land. I grew to love the land, the people, and the culture that we created together.

I was really blessed by the people of the church, who were exceptionally patient with me when I was at my worst. I cherish the memories of the advice given, the hugs, and the validation that my childhood abuse was real.

As things often go, I chose to leave and get married in the end. I wanted to have kids.

I went back to a “normal” life. I had grown up with electricity, but now the constant hum of it was too loud. I was having trouble sleeping at night because I had gotten used to those moonless nights. I quickly realized that nature helped me find out who I really am, not just who I think I am. Living in an intentional, off-grid community has changed my life.

I had children, and I was distracted for a time while bringing them into the world. I went to therapy to learn more about myself and become a better parent. I volunteered as much time as I could to help the land and people of Deeply Rooted, but every time I drove away, something felt wrong inside of me, like there was an invisible silver chain connecting me to this magical place.

I started to get better as a person as a result of therapy. I guess I have grown past what I used to think was “good enough” for me. There were lots of signs that the marriage was in trouble. I won’t lower myself and besmirch anyone’s character here. Sometimes a relationship ends because the people involved grow in different directions.

Norse runes, tarot cards, and throwing bones all said the same thing: I was unhappy and stuck in a rut.

The classic “American Dream” had no hold over me. I didn’t crave a white-picket fence, a huge loan on a house, or a fancy car. I didn’t need more, actually, I think I needed less.

Through divination and self-reflection I discovered that I needed something different than what I thought I wanted. Often, I kept seeing the runes “ISA” and “HAGLAZ” (Ice and Hail). I saw “The Hanged Man” in Tarot, and my bone-throwing kit often reflected being stuck in a rut. I had to confront what I had been denying the entire time.

I missed Deeply Rooted Church. The catalyst in my healing journey was clear.

It was polka music blaring on Sundays. Laughter around a bonfire on a cold autumn night. Owls hooting like crazy at 5 a.m. What I had left 10 years ago was now steadily calling me home. All these weird little quirks and “isms” began to invade my dreams and I knew what I had to do.

I think it makes sense for me to open this blog by talking about the end of my marriage and the beginning of a new chapter in my life.

I’ve observed that Paganism places a heavy emphasis on the natural cycles of life and death. In nature, nothing rises without falling. In Magick, it seems, “No door opens without yet another closing.”

I left my home last December. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make. I knew that I couldn’t stay in the marriage for many reasons and that I couldn’t go back to living disconnected from reality in an apartment. The divorce is set for October 2nd, and while I’m so scared, I’m also relieved.

I’m home again.

This is the story of coming home.

Thank you for reading, and please stay tuned for some more “slice of life” posts from Rooted Deeply in Deeply Rooted. Please feel free to ask questions about the church or even my own journey. I appreciate you. – Shining Quill

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