This post isn’t meant to be one of my “great works” or anything profound. Today, I’m proud of myself for waking up and writing. I’m having one of my low brain chemical swings due to my bipolar disorder and also my monthly cycle. It appears that when this time of the month occurs, all of my hormones disrupt every part of my body. There’s not anything medication can do and I’ve been told by professionals just to wait the storm out. Through meditation, the practice of mindfulness, and being my own support coach, I’ve been riding the tides of my emotions. I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback from my social support groups that I’m doing a very good job at being in command of my faculties.
Today was just one of those low days. Not a lot of sleep last night due to my daughter’s continuous glucose meter going off like a madman. I sat up with her and treated her as I needed and tried to sleep. My thoughts were racing and I recognized that immediately. I tried to meditate and I was successful for about 20 minutes. I think what some people miss about mindfulness or meditation is that even a few minutes of focusing on something enduring rather than the fleeting chatter of our brains is a victory.
I felt low when I drove to work today. I didn’t want to do anything. I breathed and I forced myself to pull tarot cards. The message I got from the universe, which you can read here, was uplifting. My ancestors are telling me to slow down, pump the brakes, and experience what is good in life instead of trying to uproot and start elsewhere. I felt connection and guidance flowing through me which consistently pulls me out of the darkest night.
I also wrote an article expanding on the theme of gratitude and mindfulness for the Pagan community. I think that the messages I receive when I’m using my oracle abilities can help others and so I freely share that information with a wider audience. I want so much to be recognized as a writer. Writing is my artistic expression and the passion of my unconquered Pagan soul. I am free as a child dancing in the woods when I pound the keys on my computer and enter a state of receiving. Even if my articles don’t get much attention, I have to remind myself that they are a stepping stone – not a stumbling block to something much bigger than myself. It’s coming and all I have to do is see my dream through.
I’m celebrating that victory today. Tomorrow may be different however I’m still going to be riding the tide – a little like Moana on her tiny boat. May my spirit rise to meet the oncoming waves. Hail!