The Death of Ego Meditation / Spellwork
by Kim Frank
Hand mirror (cleansed and consecrated)
Incense (Gardenia, Jasmine, Rose, etc)
A picture or statue of the Goddess Kali (you may also use Durga if you feel more comfortable with working with Her)
A small offering for Mother Kali such as spicy food, black pepper, or something very bitter or strong tasting such as black coffee. Kali is also very fond of red hibiscus flowers if that’s something you’re able to obtain.
Light the white candle and the incense. Close your eyes and take a long, deep breath. Keep breathing steadily and wholly for as long as this exercise takes you. Even if you want to hold your breath, don’t. Breath through the challenges as they arise and trust in this Goddess. Let me set the scene for you so that you can be immersed in this world that we create together by word and thought. You are safe and nothing can harm you in this space unless you allow negativity to have complete control over you. Now, call upon the Goddess Kali in both Her terrible, weapon-wielding state and also the state of the Compassionate Mother.
Goddess Kali, please come to me! Show me what reflection truly lies within the mirror before me!
Raise the mirror up to your face and take a good look within that reflection. See all that you are and all that you can be as the future unfurls before you.
Kali poises delicately above you as She dances, a foot ready to stomp thunderously at all that you are within the blink of an eye. A completely destructive force begins to overtake you and you can barely catch your breath. Is it panic? Anxiety? No, it’s reality beginning to settle in around you. The remains of your ego are tattered and worn. You can clearly see that the ideas and ways of old no longer suite you.
Look deeply into the hand mirror. Study your face, the curve of your cheeks and the shape of your eyebrows. Look deeply into your own eyes. Let your mind’s eye take over and think about what you would like to change about yourself. You may envision all of your failures. They may be relationships that have gone sour, advice you didn’t listen to, and the many doubts that you have in yourself. You begin to stand back and realize the full force of what these thoughts have done to you and the damage they have inflicted in your life. You are feeding these demons by constantly doubting yourself and making the dame bad decisions over and over while expecting a different outcome. You have descended into a madness that only reality can set straight. You can trust that during this exercise, the Goddess Kali is watching and waiting for your next move. Will She help you on your new journey or will She hinder you?
While you’re in this state, the champion of mankind is patient and stays by your side. Her courageous nature beckons you to summon all of your bravery and keep going. The only way out of this madness is by learning to take stock of your strengths and acknowledge the challenges of which your personality is comprised. The dark-skinned Goddess sticks Her tongue out and waggles it wildly about in order to pull you out of your trance and back into the moment. The fierce stare in Her blackened eyes is almost too much truth for you to bare. Kali tilts back Her head and laughs at the same moment you come to this realization, the sound echoes off the deep caverns of skull and brain matter that house your mind.
Kali says to you, “Child, do you know why I look so fierce?” You can only shake your head ‘No’ and await Her answer.
Kali nudges you and forces you to stare into Her limitless expression. There are No words, no thoughts, music or pictures that can convey to others what you witness in those two smoke-colored orbs. For just a moment, you see a beautiful woman clad in light. She is astride a hulking lion and Her aura burns bright and clear as if it was made of pure sunlight. She is Durga, the root of Kali! You are seeing all of Kali now! She is unlike anything you have ever perceived of Kali in the past. She is more than any history book or Vedic text has revealed to you. Look beyond the casing and seeing more of what She represents teaches you something about yourself in the process. You’re shaking with these new revelations as the Goddess winds down to your level and begins to speak. Kali leans in and whispers delicately in your ear.
“I am a reflection of you. All of My terrible attributes come from how terrible you treat yourself and others. I am a reflection of the demons within that feast upon all of your potential and lies you tell yourself. The only thing to fear of Me is the truth and if you do not fear it, if you tirelessly seek it from Me, I will hand over all that is you and much more. If you can see that you are more than you’ve become, you will see more of My true nature. You will dream of things you never thought possible. You will do things you never thought you could do. I will kill and devour all you thought you were and help you birth yourself in the image of who you are, not what the world expects you to be. Define yourself for yourself and let go of the expectation of failure. That is the death of ego.”
And with a thought in your mind as powerful as the trident of Goddess Kali, you put aside your own self-hatred and see past your terrible form and focus on the whole person behind the reflection in the mirror.
Kali embraces you in a warm hug that hangs on your shoulders and permeates your being. It almost seems as if the embrace is just too short. The Goddess has much work to do and there are other adventures waiting for both of you now that these demons have been faced. The Goddess asks you to rise, face your demons and devour them! You feel compelled to swear oaths to yourself for yourself and stop worrying about the things and people you have no control over. The great lesson from the death of ego is that the only person you have impact and control over is yourself. Work with that, embrace it.
Kali Ma, I am rising up from the ashes of that fallen reflection! I look into the mirror and see all of myself clearly and without the blemish of self-doubt. I see my weaknesses as challenges to overcome and my strengths as tools to use to help myself and others rise up. Here is to the fight that ensues when battling these darkest foes, knowing You are there to guide me. Thank you, Kali Ma for the death of ego.
So mote it be!