This year, I had as many victories as I did failures. It does not matter because those failures are readily turned into lessons and those victories have been steps in the path to a better understanding of my True Self. I realize that much of my conditioning involves relationships and those relationships heavily effect my actions upon my own life. I am no longer a slave to this because through hours of self-guided meditation, introspection, my astral and physical Guides, I have identified so much of those patterns. As I felt the unfolding of yet another self-imposed trauma, I stopped myself and fully revered the engines that were powering my self towards another broken future. I’ve lost a friend in the way that I readily identified that person as a friend however I have gained new insight and understanding into myself and the driving forces that keep me locked in certain patterns.
It’s always a sadness to lose a friend, however there is joy in knowing that to recognize certain patterns frees one’s self from the ever-present prison of certain habitual patterns. It does not have to be sadness if one can readily identify the value in the lessons learned from both the external and the internal sources. One more step in the path going forward. One more brick taken from a wall of ignorance. Gasping, grabbing and ever-reaching towards a light existence.
I am in a cave created by my own mind. If I wish to be freed from it, I must step back from certain practices that inhibit my path forward. I’m tearing down the walls created by a life time of conditioning and rewriting an entire personality that will play my world persona. It does not mean that I do not have certain obligations to others, however, it does mean that I will not engage the same way in all of my present and future relationships. Friends have come and one from my life. It is only now that I can see the lessons that each of these individuals had to teach me to further my understanding and connection to my True Self.
I have the will through Magick and the life-giving and sustaining forces of Reiki to make dramatic changes that will enhance the life I already life on the outside and nourish the world within so I can connect to my higher consciousness. It’s going to take time to strip away these old habits, however, it is necessary for something else to take place. I am on that journey because of my adoration of spiritual truth and because of my outward desire to pursue Clergy. Those are the tools – the true motivating factor is connecting with something greater than myself and a will that is higher.
You can call it nature, God, the Higher Self, Magick, the unconscious mind, my dreams or whatever moniker that humanity has fashioned. I’m done playing the game created by myself and moving onward. Stay tuned.