I am no longer Your student.

Today I share with my friends a moment. Take what you will from it.

Hail Goddess Kali!
Just before I committed myself to Paganism, Your name kept appearing to me. And even though I had read very little on You, I knew that I was intrigued by Your nature. So powerful, so strong and everything I wasn’t. I was little more than a ragdoll tossed around by family who was taught to never be outspoken or to defend herself. Take the abuse and take it quietly. You taught me to speak out and protected me when no one else would. There was a day just a few days after my official entry into Paganism (Mabon 1999) that YOU literally saved MY life.

But now I’m a different person. I became a mother and through that, I learned that I needed to protect myself because there was no one there to do it for me. I knew then, just a little more than a year ago in a dream when Hekate came to me that You and I were going to change our dynamic. I even warned people that this change was about to occur…

At first I mourned it. I fought it. I roared in defiance. I clung to You harder and harder and even though told me that it was changing, I refused to accept it. I did all that I could to ignite that between us because I was unwilling to change who I was for fear of losing You. In a time when no one would accept me as I was, it was You Kali who took me in. I could not imagine a life without something I considered finite. But everything comes to an end and where You and I are not finished entirely, I am no longer Your student.

I’m not ungrateful for all the amazing things You did for me and what we accomplished together. I will always cherish those things. You showed me a world I could have never imagined and I have a big imagination. But then, something happened to me.

A moment of Satori. The universe ground to a crashing halt. The world was not just about protecting myself any more. It was more complicated than that but also very simple. To stay with You, as my teacher, I would become You. I would not only be Compassionate Mother but I would also be Destroyer and in that, I would Destroy myself.

Thank you, Kali for protecting me. Thank you for hearing my tearful words spoken to you in the darkest nights. It’s not the end of our friendship but a necessary change. I’m crying now. Shaking even when I say this but I know in my heart that it needs to be said. Hail Kali. Jai Kali Ma!

Hail Hekate!
Hello Goddess of the Crossroads.
I guess You got the message that I needed a teacher.
Thank you for accepting my application to be Your student.
I won’t fail You.
And if You need references,
I know a Goddess.

Yours Truly,

Draven

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