The Passage of Lakshmi – Overcoming ill will towards others by overcoming ill will towards the self.

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Lakshmi or Laxsmi is commonly known as the Goddess of wealth, prosperity, and beauty. She is also the divine consort or Shakti (one who enables) of Lord Vishnu and a primary deity in Vaishnavism tradition Hinduism. She’s an ancient Goddess who is well known and to which many shrines and temples are devoted to Her, however, as I’ve said before, deities evolve with humanity and this powerful Goddess is no exception to the rule. My work with Lakshmi during my own darkest times has opened up new avenues of understanding of this dynamic feminine force. I think that Goddess Lakshmi is a patron deity to those who are struggling with self-acceptance, confidence and also having an excess of ill will towards others. Here is how I work with Goddess Lakshmi to overcome my earthly burdens.

Coming to terms with myself was perhaps one of the hardest battles I encountered during my deep depression. I quickly realized that all of the self-confidence that I seemed to exude publicly was little more than a mask made to protect my vulnerabilities. No more than a projection of the mind, my ‘confidence’ became the factory from which very impulsive and naive decisions were the final product. When I came to terms with this realization of my self, I could then build real self-confidence through accepting my whole self – limitations and gifts – to reform my personality. Confidence in my definition of the phase, is the force of pure self acceptance based on knowing that your lifestyle, actions, and words all line up to make a productive life for myself and others in my Tribe.

I had to do the work to find out what was impeding me on my journey to become more confident not only publicly yet privately as well. Being one person in all situations regardless of how challenging that might be. I realized that I bared so much ill-will to others that it clouded my ability to look at myself honestly and see that I was making many of the same mistakes that my so-called adversaries were displaying based on my observations. What I was really doing was projecting my issues on to them and holding it against them for not changing their habits. I realized quickly that the source of change had to be an inward process and not an outward display that was hollow. Even if the people around me were behaving in a manner that was not acceptable, I had to be the one to initiate the change if I felt so passionately about it. Goddess Lakshmi assisted me on this journey of self-acceptance by helping me look into the mirror at myself and disassociating from the habits that kept me back. I had to divorce myself from the thought that I was ‘bad’ and ‘naive’ in order to really see myself. Sure, I’d made mistakes, yet now I had to really own the fact that I wanted to change for the better and that those experiences were all lessons to get me to this point. It’s much easier said than done, yet with persistence, I began slowly  moving up the ladder of understanding. 

I found that the further I went through this journey of self acceptance, the less ill-will I had towards others who seemed to be getting in my way. In fact, I learned to observe their behaviors and found invaluable ways to not only help myself, yet help them when they were ready to reach out for themselves.  In order to get rid of the angry thoughts that constantly plagued my mind, I had to distance myself from my supposed anger and look hard at myself to see the similarities instead of the differences of my peers. I had to act like Lakshmi in order to carry out the biggest lesson of my life and recognize the goodness that existed despite all of the anger from my past. Goddess Lakshmi is beauty because She will approach the most wretched individual and reach out a compassionate hand to assist them if they are committed to changing the course of their Path. At times, I can be that wretched individual who needs a course adjustment and that’s alright. It’s part of my path of understanding my own inner beauty that is sometimes clouded by the demons that came from abuse. There are many kinds of beauty, however, there is one expression of attractiveness that shines brightly above all others. That is the virtue of devotion. A longstanding devotion to the care of the self ripples outward into knowing how to care for those around you. That’s what I wanted! I was on the right course!

I found out through my devotion to the Goddess and my spiritual path that I could be a very ugly person at times when I was miserable and wrestling with my own self-loathing. Lakshmi carefully guided me through this process via meditation and mantra work to see wisdom in my displays of anguish. A person with a pleasing face and an ugly soul does not shine brightly because they are physically attractive in appearance. We are not our bodies, as they eventually wither and fail on us. We are not the experiences or memories we’ve had because we are meant to live in the present and only reflect on the past in order to move forward with the lessons learned. We are the inner observer and the higher self that can at will  go through a metamorphosis into something much greater. We are the self and the soul and while mainstream science can’t yet pinpoint the origin of that great mystery yet, it still exists because some one out there is asking the questions that keep the investigation going.

Goddess Lakshmi favors pure souls who strive to make the world a better place than they found it. I’m far from a pure soul, yet I am consistently on the Path to becoming more enlightened to my own habits and how they impact others I meet along the way. I strive to become one of Her devotees in my actions so that when I say or act out a deed to another, it is a pure endeavor that seeks not only to heal the person before me yet also myself in the process. I’m essentially dancing the Path of a mimic who sees this Goddess and consistently puts out effort to become that ideal of the pure soul. My definition of a pure soul is as follows.  There is no pretense to their actions. These individuals would be driven by a purely spiritual and physical symbiosis of advancing themselves and healing the world around them in a ripple effect. I wanted that for myself and so my current understanding poured out of me when I was tackling these objectives so that I could assist others who were needing that next stage of help. Helping each other is a purely symbiotic effort that heals the healer in the process.  When someone in my life makes progress, it’s huge. The stronger our networks and supports are, the stronger we are as a community. How could we ever be truly happy when we know that people hunger when we have more than enough for ourselves?

That hunger is not for bread alone, it’s for spiritual and intellectual needs as well. The Goddess Lakshmi helped me understand the nature of the universe by accepting that people are always hungry and living their lives in struggle. Chaos is the necessary force that pushes all of these people elements together for the spark that leads to understanding of the self as well as others around me.  Everything struggles which is part of the chaotic force that guides the entire universe in it’s dance of creation and destruction.

I was a spiritually ugly person although I was aware that there was more for me if I only had the courage to look in the mirror at my reflection that was being projected outward. When I learned that there was more for myself outside the walls of ignorance for which I had been trapped, I learned that there was much more I could do for myself. It wasn’t just reading some passage from an ancient Hindu document, it was the diligent effort and much falling on face that opened up a passage for self-acceptance and letting go of the anger I harbored at others.  When I worked through my pain and suffering, I wasn’t ugly any more and it didn’t matter what I had done in my past as long as I saw the lesson from those actions and worked to make the present as productive as possible. People born in ignorance of their actions are only so until it is recognized and they disassociate themselves from the patterns that made their lives that way. That’s how Karma works. You are only going to reap what you’ve sewn until you plant something else for yourself.

Goddess Lakshmi assisted me in planting new seeds for the field that I was working on. I had to look at the world in an entirely new way before being able to recognize which new seeds I wanted to plant. Self-acceptance is a huge part of the process and the foundation on which all confidence is built. If you’re confident in your own actions and words, you needn’t be bothered by another damage soul trying to figure out their own way along the Path. That’s just where that person is and by seeing them objectively, as they are, you come to where they are in their journey. It’s not about arrogance or putting on a mask, it’s about understanding that we are all damaged souls, and some are more so than others. Learning to work through those challenges together is what strengthens us as a community in Paganism, and that’s the delightful lesson learned by studying with the Hindu embodiment of wealth, prosperity, and beauty. Beyond all those mortal struggles, there is a dazzling array of gifts aching to come out behind the most damaged looking face. I want to help that process along which is why I wrote this article. For how could you ever have a bountiful harvest if you are unable to recognize the fruit upon the branch?

Are you seeking Lakshmi in your life? Do you need help accepting yourself as you are and have the need to work past your own struggle so that you can aide others? Here’s a blessing for you as well as myself. If you want to establish that connection with the Goddess, go ahead and recite these words in front of a mirror.

Goddess Lakshmi, I call to You!
Divine beauty of the universe reflected outward through the eyes of every gathered soul,
Please help me uncover the veil over my eyes and help me look inward.
Allow me to accept my ugliness that has been formed in ignorance,
so that I may cast off my mask and reveal my inner strengths.
Let us walk in the revelation of the self and forge a Path that enlightens others,
in our actions and in our own cosmic display of life.
Goddess Lakshmi, honor to the compassionate Mother who seeks out her children,
in the squalid condition of human existence.
Reach to us from Your palace that dwells within,
and help us recognize the divinity spark that unites us all.
Hail to Goddess Lakshmi!

The Passage of Artemis – Huntress of the Dark Moon

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‘Give me to keep my maidenhood, Father, forever: and give me to be of many names, that Phoibos [Apollon] may not vie with me. And give me arrows and a bow–stay, Father, I ask thee not for quiver or for mighty bow: for me the Kyklopes will straightway fashion arrows and fashion for me a well-bent bow. But give me to be Phaesphoria (Bringer of Light) and give me to gird me in a tunic with embroidered border reaching to the knee, that I may slay wild beasts.’ –  Artemis to her sire Zeus, Callimachus, Hymn 3 to Artemis 1 ff (trans. Mair) (Greek poet C3rd B.C.)

Who is the Goddess Artemis and what is Her purpose in Modern Paganism? In order to look to the future interpretations of Gods and Goddesses, we must look to the past to better understand the tradition that gave Her divine birth. Artemis (also known as Phoebe in some circles) is the wild huntress Goddess of child birth, protector of animals, archery, the moon, and virginity. She is the twin sister to the Lord of the Sun, Apollon and daughter of Leto and Zeus. She bears the golden bow and arrow and is accompanied by the stag; an animal intimately tied to this sacred feminine figure. Are these facts stagnant and lost to time or can this ambitious Goddess be alive and relevant in today’s view of modern Paganism?

What we know of Artemis is that She was a child that was not welcomed into this world. Artemis and Her brother Apollo had to fight for Their place in Mount Olympus. The Goddess Hera (one of my favorite Goddesses) was volcanic in Her anger at the betrayal of Her husband Zeus when He seduced the beautiful Leto. If you’re like me, this Goddess instantly becomes very relatable because many of us come from very broken families who should not have become parents. Much like Hera transferring Her great anger to the love children of Zeus (Artemis, Herakles, and others) we can sometimes be born to parents who have their own issues with transferring their anger onto innocent children.

Artemis’ necessity in our society extends beyond unwanted children. She is a dedicated and focused hunter who speaks to those of us who are reaching for something better in our lives. Artemis dedicates Her entire existence to a Great Hunt which mirrors the struggle of mentally ill individuals rising up from the circumstances of their birth. Even those individuals who come from very nurturing homes can turn to Artemis as a role model for anyone who seeks self-realization by hunting down their limitations. Her prey? Artemis aims Her mighty arrow at an objective and moves sleekly through whatever challenges are ahead of Her to reach the target.

This beautiful Huntress will at times separates Herself from the dramas on Mount Olympus and delves into the natural world for sanctuary which helps us understand the need to disconnect from our daily theatrics and pulls us into the reality of interacting with reality. We can distract ourselves with petty online arguments, we can binge watch entire series on Netflix, or we can pick something better for ourselves and slip out for a moment to take stock of what exists within our lives and what we truly crave. We can find nourishment at attaining our goals by mirroring Artemis’ efforts to work through whatever is necessary to maintain balance.

I had to meditate on this Goddess to make this connection in my own life. Part of my struggle was dealing with excessive anger, indecision, impulsiveness, and also an overwhelming urge to be right all of the time. Like Artemis, I rose from the ashes of my childhood and accepted that my parents made lots of mistakes. They weren’t in a good mental or physical space to be parents and the rest of my relatives was wrapped up in some pretty ignorant beliefs about children and their role in family life. Thinking about the tales of this Goddess and researching what I could about Her during the day as I watched my own children opened up new avenues of self-discovery.

I could readily see how these challenges in my life were keeping me from my ultimate target. I realized that I am not the mistakes of my parents, I am not the young girl who was angry at the world and took it out on everyone around her, and I am also not at the end of my rope. This swift departure from fantasy into reality helped me understand that I needed to be as tireless as Artemis in my pursuit of being spiritual and mentally healthy. Artemis also had one more lesson to teach me through Her experiences.

If you study this Goddess, you’ll know that She keeps Her word and acts quickly on it. There is no indecision when it comes to what Artemis wants and that was the eternal struggle I was facing inside my  mind. I was caught between the fear of my failure and also the fear of my success. To get rid of these demons that were consuming me, I had to disassociate from the failure and the overwhelming sense of responsibility that comes with success. I believe these are common themes in humanity as I have seen many examples of it in my own life and I have had the honor to know many Pagans who had the potential yet still struggled with their own eternal conflict. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just a stumbling block in the road ahead.

Artemis helped me aim my own weapon at my objective and assisted me in moving forward through meditation and maintaining a relationship with Her through my writing. It is my belief that these ancient Gods and Goddesses all have relevant roles in modern society because They, like us, are capable of massive evolutionary progress. We are the dreamers that have our hands at the wheel of Paganism and Her course. If you’re struggling in much the same way that I am, please reach out and let some one know, do some research and take pride in the Path that changes everything. You can accomplish whatever your passion is through diligence  and a better understanding of a larger family outside the one of your inheritance.

Prayer to Artemis

Lady Artemis, Protector of lost children and Queen of the Moon,
Please illuminate for us our goal in our darkest moments.
In Your presence, we are free of the distractions and limitations of the world,
and immerse ourselves in the patient hunt.
Together we will string the bow of understanding and acceptance,
Help me take aim of my life by abandoning old habits.
Artemis of sorrowed birth and new beginnings,
assist me in recognizing my own self worth and accomplishments.
Lady Artemis, hail to thee, let us walk the dark of night together and discover what lies behind the shadowed face of the self.

 

The Crop of Paganism – A Look Forward to Mabon

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It’s getting close to Mabon, the second harvest, and to the next leg of sojourn in the spiral path. During this particular Sabbat, I am reaping the harvest and gathering the fruits of my labor. This isn’t just the harvest of The Wheel of the Year, it’s the harvest of an entire 19 years of dedicating myself to the Path. I think about where I started from; a scared, angry, and very mentally damaged young girl to the woman I am proud to be today. I am mother, wife, friend, writer, and have the esteemed privilege of being a Priestess in my community.

My grief and anger stemmed from the loss of my father and the other hardships I faced throughout growing up. The healing I received from others in my Tribe helped shape me into an author who is writing my own Path through the spiral passage. Becoming Priestess facilitated a whole new sense of purpose and responsibility, one that I felt I was called to do my entire life. I may have not had the tools to appropriately express my gifts, however, I did have the dedication to do what was needed to move forward through my own grief and sadness to become a whole person. I didn’t do that alone, I did that with the love and support of my Tribe, that even through adversity, still encouraged me to better myself.

On September 22nd, the ritual of Mabon at Deeply Rooted Church, I will stand in front of my peers and be judged whether I am worthy or not of donning the title of Priestess. I look forward to this event because I know that whatever the outcome, I will have work to do to improve myself. My pilgrimage does not stop at simply becoming ordained. I have never been motivated by title alone and thank the Gods because the amount of ego needed to sustain that would be daunting at best. Title with purpose drives me to further describe, define, decipher, and debate the next chapter of our spiritual journey as Pagans. So what is that?

Our first step in Paganism is just beginning. Yes, we have a wide array of brave elders who came before us to manifest Paganism into being. We can thank and honor them for the sacrifice that they have made during the course of their lives. Now we’re the next generation of Pagans that are desperately seeking a purpose. We know what it is that we have to do, and we understand the need for acceptance and diversity, yet do we have the bravery required for what comes next?

I believe we do. Through the observances and experiences of being in an intentional community such as Deeply Rooted Church, I have noticed one pressing matter that seems to be keeping us in a loop instead of advancing spiritually and socially. I have also not only been witness, I have also been an active participant in the process of evolution. What I’m talking about is our great ability to hold each other back because we’re afraid and there’s many reasons for this fear that are completely justified.

Fear. Distrust. Physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual abuse that not only is the worm in the Apple that is Paganism, it is the poison that eats away at the entirety of humanity. This terror of being attacked, bombarded, used, and abused haunts out entire community like a banshee crying out into the night. It consumes our thoughts, keeps us up at night, and scarily enough, drives us away from each other. We are better than this and I have seen evidence of it that jumps outside of the sphere of unverified personal gnosis. It’s real, you can reach out and touch it if it’s consenting to the experience.It’s the relationships and experience that I’ve forged over the course of my tenure at Deeply Rooted.

Now, I believed myself to be an honorable person, and I am believed myself to be a person who did the *right* thing. I believed a lot of things about myself and my want of being *right* justified everything I did and pushed me away from others. How young and naive I was back then. The isolation triggered a myriad of mental illnesses such as anxiety attacks which became the driving force of verbal reactionary attacks that I wasn’t even aware of the detriment that it caused. This was not limited to my interactions with other Pagans, this was the entire scope of my existence on Earth. On my path to Clergy, I found out firsthand how impactful my words and my thoughts were and thus the damage or healing that they could cause. Abandoning my ego, accepting that I wasn’t always *right*, and listening to the contributions of peers helped me reshape and rewrite the person I am today. The goal is no longer always being right or reiterating a point over and over because I want it to be true, the new challenge is accepting the spiritual lesson inside each new insight from other Pagans.

I don’t think I’m the only person who has gone through these karmic trials. I observe the struggle of others in their fear and how they feel justified in distrusting others. I’ve also seen the fallout of online groups and nearly my own Church. I realize that if we’re going to advance, all of us need to recognize not only this frailty in other Pagans, yet also ourselves. Many of us are motivated by the same primal fears and react accordingly. This is normal and just part of the process of the human evolutionary journey. We shouldn’t beat ourselves up over our misgivings nor should we congratulate ourselves too much on our victories. Humility, that’s the missing piece of the Pagan puzzle.

If we can recognize our similarities more than our differences, then we can advance and do great things without pursuing the same old boring routines that only leave us empty and wanting more. It doesn’t matter if Bob is a soft polytheist and Kim is a hard polytheist. In the end of each point explored just leaves us with the need for more clarification to the Great Mystery that is life. What a person believes in is just where they are on the Path and is an important part of their growth and development. If all we do is battle out our frustrations on each other and dismiss the spiral path, we are no more Pagans than we are anything else.

I don’t want to end this article on a negative note or tell people what to do. The gift I can give is one of my own harvest. I can tell you that my experiences in the past 19 years and the interactions with folks at my Church have only intensely stoked the fires of my passions. I have seen humility, forgiveness, and honesty on the Pagan path. Human sacrifice, not a bloody and obscure ritual from our past, an event that causes all those involved to get closer in the process. As a spiritual path, we’re very blessed to be able to start over and rewrite our adventure. We have not lost anything as long as we can trust each other again and discover the same universal truths that our ancient ancestors lived as part of their daily lives.

The Crop of Paganism lies in understanding, in asking questions, and being polite to each other. It’s not always easy and it takes a lot of self-realization work to overcome what keeps you back.  Human sacrifice is necessary and that means digging deep into our understanding of ourselves in order to understand how we relate to each other and the natural world in which we honor. Our harvest is our friendships and networks, through our communities and social groups that unite us. Paganism is just a word until we work together to define what it means to us. Community and Tribe are integral pieces of the puzzle that makes the final picture crystal clear. We were destined by circumstance of our creation, the human race, to work together to accomplish great things and that beautiful vision is entirely dependent on what each of us chooses to harvest this season. All of our experiences and challenges are vital nourishment for the entire process to be successful. So I’m asking you the reader and the entirety of Paganism, what crops have you reaped during this time?

 

The Scientific Method of Spirituality – Worlds merge to form reality.

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Two worlds, science and spirituality, that have often been a driving point of political and personal agendas, have been victims of human ego as well as the benefactors of human curiosity. As much as we have a passion to destroy through wars and personal deeds, humanity also has an unquenchable desire to understand the world around us. What if for just a moment, we could put aside rigid religious doctrines and callous statistics to look at these two arenas from an entirely different perspective? If we were not motivated by greed and power, limited by undesirable social awkwardness, or frightened of the consequences of death and the afterlife through some vengeful deity, what would our world view be in the areas of science and spirituality?

As a fan fiction writer who has dabbled in such projects as a My Little Pony / Star Trek crossover, I’m good at connecting two spheres that are seemingly very different and uniting them by some common threads. I owe much of this gift to the wide variety of friends that I’ve had the pleasure of knowing through the years, because the debates that have formed in the midst of getting to know each other has served as both inspiration and determination to make the world a more accepting place for those who seek answers. From my observations, our society is an interesting mixture of detached individuals seeking connections and connected individuals seeking solace from the overwhelming confusion that is often the drama played out by our social interactions.

This interesting concoction of humanity has opened doorways we never thought possible. Through all of our stumbling and failing, we’ve also accomplished great historical and societal accomplishments. The discovery of DNA allowing us to trace generations of ancestry with a swab of skin cells, and the Civil Rights movement which opened up doorways of opportunities for disadvantaged individuals to break through the wall of what mainstream society deems right and normal, space travel, pyramids, microwaves, emojis, all of it! From the inane to the insane, all human accomplishments are part of the same path.  In honor of this brew of humanity, I’ve taken some time to write up my idea of what Pagans (and other passionate spiritual folk) can use as a tool to help them in their own personal journeys.

What is left of ancient Paganism is scant at best, and our time studying the universe from a scientific perspective should not be discredited due to a fear of the unknown. I say we take one of the best methods of understanding and use it as an analogy that science and spirituality are actually one in the same path. As Pagans, it’s our duty to understand the world around us whether we are expressing our worship through preserving the Earth Mother or manipulating reality around us to serve a variety of reasons. It matters not, actually, what our intent because we all share a passion to understand the nature of ourselves. We must look at the physical as well as the metaphysical in order to best recognize the nature of our existence. Here is is, the Scientific Method of Spirituality. Let’s take it a step at a time!

I’m using the simple 6 step method, however the more formal and larger methods could also be used in much the same manner.

  1. Purpose / Eternal Question – What is it that you want to understand? Why do you want to know the inner workings of this lesson? What are you willing to observe with dedicated focus to change your comprehension of the unknown? Beginning with this question can lead you down to a crossroads. Do you pursue this manner in a proven scientific manner or can you observe the same circumstances as a spiritually minded person?
  2. Research / To the ANCIENT TOMES! – Now that you have an idea of what you want to inquire about, now you have to do some real studying to best understand how you’re going to be tackling your latest adventure. Your odyssey would be fraught with disaster if you didn’t know how to properly handle Uranium (bought at your local mall) properly or how to best communicate with a chosen Death Deity. So go to the Bible, go research the work of Tesla or Curie, look at the work of Scott Cunningham or the Koran, immerse yourself in Einstein and Edison. Find something that some one else has tried and begin to make your own template of how you will pursue your chosen path.
  3. Hypothesis / Epic Quest – Now it’s time to gather yourself, your allies, and your research to fulfill the needs of this new quest. Put into words what it is that you think is happening be it either through an act of the Gods or an act of Nature. This is the when the participant chooses a path to follow at the crossroads of life. If they pursued the scientific route, the may think to themselves, “Well, I see no evidence of God so I will go down this path to find out what is the great mystery that makes up the inner workings of the universe.” A spiritual person will never be fully quenched by the findings of science and so they will ask the same questions and arrive to the same conclusions as the science minded person. The quest begins, and each person studies in their own way looking for signs and clues hidden either in cells or in the constellations.
  4. Experiment / Magick – Just as the Ceremonial Magician or South American Shaman prepares their ritual equipment and herbal incense, a scientist will prep their laboratories, centrifuges, and microscopes to best support the next step in the path. Ritualists and Magick workers will cast spells and write out results much the same way scientists will shoot off a particle accelerator and record the conclusions. Based on the results of each project, the participant will either be motivated to continue or the experiment / spell will be rewritten.
  5. Analysis / Book of Shadows  – Data is collected regardless if you’re an astronomer in a multi-million dollar observatory studying the effects of solar winds on the atmosphere or you’re an Kemetic Priestess working a series of complex rituals to interact with the powerful God RA. The quality of your dedication only lends to the quality of invaluable information that follows the experiment. You now understand that Solar Winds have a dramatic effect on hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico or you now are assured that you are able to connect to Ra and shed light on the darker aspects of your personality. There’s always more questions though and always different ways to come to the same theme of data. Each different experiment from collected data always yields results that keep you craving more knowledge.
  6. Conclusion / Reality Check – Now you’ve done a few experiments, run some controls and amassed a large amount of data. Are you any closer to understanding the nature of existence than you were before? Sure, you’ve made some great discoveries in the fields of genetics, written some moving ecstatic rituals, and made loads of new friends along the way, however, what do you really know for sure? In the traditional Scientific method, the scientist concludes that while they have learned something new, possibly made a ground-breaking realization in the process, they are still left with more questions. There are far more theories out there than laws, right? Either way, the participant is better for the journey because now they command an impressive knowledge base, contributed to expedition of the human condition, and they’ve probably made some great social connections along the way. The same is true for any passionate Pagan who is stepping out of the shadow of ignorance and testing themselves in the fiery journey of personal realization and social interconnection.

I’m not only calling out to fellow Pagans, I’m calling to Judaism, Christianity, Islam, and every other spiritual path that exists! What I’m asking is that we not be allowed to be content and our will to understand ourselves snuffed out due to laziness! Don’t be threatened by the next step of the path. Let’s consider the collective mind of humanity and work like the organism we were born to be. Let’s look at all of these ancients texts and all of the new discoveries and try to paint a picture of reality. We’re still going to be thirsting for answers, however, we won’t be making our lives harder by fighting each other in our fear. Don’t count out your scientist, don’t discredit the holy man, each is a respected member of the community and provides another piece to the puzzle that is our birthright – our creation.

What are your thoughts? May your path always be crystal clear!

 

 

Mommy, I’m Afraid of the Dark

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Mommy, Mommy, I’m Afraid of the Dark,
porcelain and rose are tear-stained and glistening in the fragile moonlight,
her boundless eyes reflecting stars of childhood,
Mommy, Mommy, please help me!
The Goddess hears the pleading of her delicate voice,
and is summoned to her trembling.

What do you fear, my child?
The Lady of the Night responded to the little Maiden.
She dwells in the unseen shadows of the mist,
leaping and bounding like a frightened doe,
The Goddess knows she is close,
creation force pulls them together,
beyond time,space, and thought
like magnets that are ceaselessly drawn into polarity’s embrace,
Why do you call on the Mother?
The little blossom has been found.

Mommy, I’m afraid of the dark,
I’m afraid of spiders, bats, and the insects they pursue,
There are bad men, and nightmares that never end,
I see only blackness and feel only loneliness,
I am lost in this pursuit, I am being consumed by it,
Mother, I don’t know what to do…
The child heavily sobbed into Her bosom.

The Goddess of the Night spoke to the day-born child,
Fear not, my babe,
The spiders weave my intricate jewelry and the bats are the messengers of My world,
Those bad people? Yes, they do exist and the nightmares may never fade,
You can be sure when their days have past, it is in my realm they will forever stumble,
ghosts and relics of forgotten memory, lost to the tides of thought,
We will walk the Path of your scars together, be renewed by all that we learn,
You are not alone, my dear, for I am the blackness you see and I am all around you,
I am the Mother of Night, Queen of the Moon, Lady and Consort of the Antlered Son of Day,
Are you still afraid? Do you still tremble in my midst?

The child was no longer herself,
a Woman stood in her place,
A Daughter of the Night, a Witch
Cast in a vision while reflecting in the Chalice,
Mother, Priestess, Sister!
dancing naked before a bonfire under her silver playmate, the antlered moon
She sang her lullaby spell to the evening and serenaded the Goddess who stilled the night,
So much more than the child who trembled in her Path,
The Priestess raised her arms to draw Her down,
Entwined between the worlds, mists closing in, interconnected like a wicker basket,
The Goddess, watching all the while, spoke on the chilled night wind through the lips of the lady,
Her children stopped to listen, only the drumming of heartbeats could be heard,
all answers recovered, all questions pointing the way along the inner spiral,
They spoke in Union, romping in the darkness surrounding Them,
“To know the self is to know the Goddess! So mote it Be!”

Rant it Out – A path for letting go of anger, fear, and negativity.

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Rants in society have such a negative connotation. Let’s change some stereo types and let our minds go crazy and rant. Rant it out. Rant it all out. Write it down and look at what you’ve come up with, you might surprise yourself!

Unicorn, Unicorn
Deep inside,
You are the child,
I try to keep alive,
I’m running from the Darkness,
before She swallows me whole,
I worship She who destroys,
So I can be created again,
Scuttled and torn,
like a broken Ragdoll,
I can show my fire,
even when I am forlorn.
Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
Shower me in your tears as I bleed for you,
No princess is fairest of them all,
You are the reflection I show my Sisters,
dreams about, I gather them, big and small
Broken mind, slivered delusions,
Breath and see the light,
and Truth gives way
I cut myself on the reflection,
That I manifest
Not bleeding, no
Sacrificing tears for the healing rain,
Turning from jungle to desert overnight.
Easter Bunny, Ostara Bunny,
Caught for a moment, deeply in thought
Mind not the rooted path, for the energy builds
Always in motion, through the rabbit holes we go,
Antlered King, Mystical Jackalope
Watch, Watch how the Pendulum swings in the Tower,
My children created from shadows, ghosts and relics of the past,
Fall like apple seeds on the Spiral Path, So mote it Be!

 

Those are the thoughts that go through my head during a panic attack. I want to share with other Pagans what it’s like to experience a full-blown anxiety episode when you’re a writer and an artist. My mind thinks in pictures and words. There is art everywhere and it’s no different when I’m having an attack. When my emotions are at their highest, words will come pouring forth like rain and overwhelm my senses. It clouds my judgement as all sorts of stories, poems, rituals and even occasionally songs will flood my brain. Everything I create in words, art, and dance is a manifestation of my self. It’s more important to me to have those creations sometimes than it is to connect to regular folks. That’s why I write. All of these creations in my mind become some sort of spiritual pursuit. I found myself guilty of writing rituals just for myself instead of my audience.

I discovered quickly that while my rituals were richly worded and researched, they lacked the connection to the folks that they were supposed to be written for in the first place. I got very depressed about this and decided to use my mental illness in a way that could benefit others instead of feeling like I was an unwelcome burden in society. Before I go too much further, I want to clarify that I don’t blame society for making me feel like a burden, I had blamed myself for it and then took action so that the blame would melt away.

I decided to start writing and drawing again. I put all of my emotions into the words. Before long, I wasn’t just writing these uniformed rituals. I was giving myself time to connect to the people around me by writing and drawing out my feelings. It was freeing. I better understood those around me and I also understood myself better in the process. There were scary times where I had to admit to people that I was wrong about them, however, ego diminishing, I was able to forgive myself for the choices that I made in error.

I wonder how many out there feel the same way as I do? I bet there’s a fair amount of folks who feel trapped because they have always been negative and don’t know any other way. I can relate because I was one of the most negative people you could imagine. I had a childhood full of angry, sad, and scary moments. I was used to feeling that way so I surrounded myself with people of that type and I was so protective of this life that I would give any excuse or lie I could make to justify myself. I shook when I realized, through my journeling, how backwards and twisted I had become. I almost lost my mind in that realization and felt like insanity was knocking at the door. It was exactly the opposite.

Once I was honest with myself in a safe place (my journal) than I could be honest in my thoughts and with others. I learned to differentiate between folks who were in my best interest (those who were understanding of the process and those who reciprocate in the relationship) and those who had ill intent. I learned that it wasn’t personal and that’s just how people are unless they make huge strides to change their life. I also learned that it wasn’t my job to change them, only myself and my reactions. I couldn’t even begin to say those words before writing out my thoughts and because of that, I have a constant record of the things that I need to work on and manifest if I want to advance.

If you’re having struggles while trying to get better, I can give you some advice. Find something, a hobby, skill, or something that requires your full attention. Use that as a tool to get your anger, fear, and emotions out instead of people. That was my mistake. Writing, drawing, and making music are excellent ways of channeling those overwhelming realizations that we all inevitably stumble upon in our thought journeys. From a panic attack to poem to article to help others, that’s what it’s all about. Consider using your emotions to paint the picture of your survival to inspire others who can not yet. Blessed Be!